No Shades of Grey

Intelligence is multidimensional - it manifests itself in different ways, colours, sensibilities. It is hard, or some would say impossible, to capture one common characteristic of such a diverse, broad spectrum.

As limited as my experience is, I have found one trait that is generally present in this spectrum called intelligence. That trait is the capability to entertain nuance. That is, I think that intelligent people tend to be able to entertain nuance in their heads; to realize different perspectives of an apparently simple, straightforward issue; to not see everything either black or white. Ironically, the intelligence spectrum is accompanied by the ability to detect spectra, instead of discrete, perspectives on certain issues. They do not generalize too quickly; they do not often adopt binary stances. Per example:

You are either a feminist or a sexist.

This statement might seem reasonable to many people. The definition of feminism is the equal treatment and opportunities for both men and women. So if someone is not a feminist, they are against equality right? Of course not...

Definitions describe usages. 

That is, if I open the dictionary and look for the word feminism, I will find the previous definition I mentioned. But that only describes how people generally use the word. It does not describe the actions taken by the people who adopt the label. As an example, say that I agree with national-socialism. I have read their programme and I know what they purport to do and put in action - nothing includes immoral actions, like killing and torturing. So I declare I am a national-socialist. But after a while, I discover that they take actions that were not included in the programme; they start killing, censorship, segregation. Angry with this, I go talk to the chief and I say What is wrong? This is not national-socialism as originally described!, to which they respond How so?! Just go read our programme! It's all there - that's what we stand for!

There mere fact that definitions exist is irrelevant. The actions and the people that take those actions are what is relevant in reality. Going back to definitions changes nothing - it doesn't magically erase actions. Therefore, I could not care less about definitions; the mere fact that this argument is the most used by feminists to defend themselves each time they are criticized informs me on the weak mentality that some of these people possess. If they had a case, they would talk about actions themselves and not about definitions.

This is a perfect example of people who are incapable of entertaining nuance. In their heads, everything is organized in labels. You label yourself as X? Ok, let me see what my brain says about people with label X (...) Here it is! X people are not Y people and they are evil because they support Z people. Much like the drawers of some obsessively-organized person, they have a label with all the descriptions they need to know about each type of people. They are incapable of accessing individuals individually and thinking deeper on certain issues. In their head it's either hot or cold; feminist or sexist; evil or good.

There are no shades of grey.

The Caustic Ties that Bind Us

As a 24 year-old man, I have been in a total of two love relationships.

One of them was sweet at the beginning and catastrophic at the end. Me and my partner corroded the ties that bound us, much like droplets of acid slowly falling on a metaphoric vein that binds two hearts. In the end, the love that used to travel in the veins leaked out; two damaged human hearts, now severed from each other, were left to heal by themselves.

The other relationship, which I am currently on, is one of my utmost achievements in life, even it isn't meant to last forever. 

Why? What are the differences that make one relationship work while others do not? Well, there are the trivial, boring explanations that everyone knows and can enumerate: people have different personalities, different habits, different backgrounds, different sensibilities and dispositions. You will find the one, many people say. It is, of course, possible to find someone that fits quite well your own lock in this respect; to find a key in a myriad of keys that fits what you think is an exquisite, unique lock; or to find a lock in a myriad of keys, for those who like to think in less egotistical terms. It is not untrue that some people have a stronger glue to their interactions than others.

But locks and keys rust; glue wears out. They oxidize; they degrade. Routine and repetition and distance and time pour acid onto the ties that bind the hearts, onto the metal that is the very scaffold of the relationship. It's not only people's own defects and tastes and personalities that determine the success of insuccess of the relationship; time and experience itself generally tend to corrode human bonds.

The reason as to why I think my current relationship is worth so much is not because my girlfriend is the perfect fit in the lock and key sense I talked about. We have some ideas in common, for sure, but in other respects we are not alike at all and we disagree in several issues. We argue and get mad from time to time. We've had some deep downs which I was not sure we could overcome - we did though. In most respects, we are like every other couple.

The main reason why I value my relationship so much is that each one of us does not depend on the other in any fundamental way. We did not create love between ourselves. We had love and we chose to share it with one another and it grew into a new, ever stronger sentiment. We had confidence and we chose to share it with one another - it grew stronger in each of us. Before our hearts were bound to each other, they were bound to other things as well; to other people, to other desires, other motivations and drives and dreams; but most of all, they were bound to our own personalities through self-awareness and consciousness.

Our own individuality is what made the relationship so good. It is precisely the realization that she can do things without me, that she does not require my approvation or effort, that makes me want to make the effort. She does not require nor wants me to make her a sandwich everyday for her to take to work - but I want to do it. She would be happy to do it herself though. If she needed me more than anything in the world, if I needed her more than anything in the world - it would fall apart. Yet, it is almost paradoxical that this same independence of ours is the fabric that connects us so strongly.

Each time corrosion threatens, each time acid drops, we work against it; we have enough self-love and confidence to do so; we share those with one another. We do not require something from the other that we don't already have; we don't project our own insecurities onto each other; we did not wait for one of us to accept faults in the other. We were never static people; each of us knew that we had faults and that some faults affect both the health of the individual and the lover's. We proceeded to eliminate them, for our betterment. It healed us individuality and, by consequence, it improved the relationship. We also did not and do not care more about our ego than the relationship itself - I'm sorry slides out of the mouth fairly easily, without the strong chains of egoism pushing it down the throat.

This disposition of ours, in my opinion, is exactly what is necessary to counterbalance the eroding waves of time and repetition and boredom. It is not a formula for everlasting love - love does not last forever, because time and death still exist. But, bit by bit, it strives to replace the wasted metal. It maximizes the finite experience. It renews the caustic ties that bind most human relations.